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  • Failure of my life

    Just thought I'd share this with you guys... It illustrates the patheticness of my life and how much I embrace it :) It's a message I sent to one of my buds who challenged me to beat one of his bloons td scores. Enjoy! haha

    It has come to my attention that reading this may be a complete and total waste of you're life. I feel differently however and believe that some of you will share my humor in this. I will warn you that this is long and that I must ask you do not moan and groan after you read it. After all you have been warned :)

    It's night's like this that I feel my life is completely worthless. You send me a challenge and I have no choice but to accept. And by accepting this challenge I agree to embark on a journey to obliterate your feeble bloons score and conquer all! This conquest lasts many hours and tests every one of my rather uncanny abilities. My first attempts prove quite comical as I am easily taken out by a simple accidental push of the back button. I put this aside me only to be sequestered once again by a simple distraction (the wonderful and downright dreadful tv show lost) and I am brought to my senses only seconds too late as I watch hundreds of bloons race past my borders. However perserverence coarses through my veins and I press onward. My next attempt falls far from futile. I squander helium feeled orbs (quite literally) for the next 4 hours appeasing sun god after sun god. Soon my entire defenses consist of soley gods and wizards. And not even a mother of all blimps mother can escape the relentless pounding of what appears to be plasma balls coming from my sun gods. I reach levels neither friend nor foe thought possible (around 117) and not a single bloon has made it even halfway through my maze unpopped. I am taking on the bloons all-time leaderboard. I would have been a hero among blooners across the world. I was on par to take the top 10... top 5... top 3... even the heraled number 1 spot (that some kid in japan probably sat foaming from the mouth for 72 hours straight to achieve). However around level 117, something foul began to taint my mighty kingdoms air. I could feel something coming something gargantuan. Something that would make the mother of the MOAB's herself tremble and wither. Yes I could feel something rotten in my state of bloonmark. Still far from giving in was I. I redied all sungods to attack in the perfect sequence. I rallied my wizards to create a magical force large enough to conquer even mr. potter. I believed myself ready....

    I never saw it coming.

    Before even the first of bloons stepped foot in my land, before the sungods had a chance to ready their plasma, before my wizards had even raised their wands my fate had been sealed. Why it seemed from out of the hindenberg explosion itself my enemy had spawned. No ice tower could slow this monster down. No boomerang would ever find it's way back after colliding with this atrocity. Not even a piercing dart from an upgraded dart monkey could penetrate this skin...

    They say foxes are sneaky. They say they can creep up from you miles away and still snatch your baby from your own arms even without your knowlege. I have never been one to adhear to such proposterous fairy tails... I should have listened.

    For the foe that i faced now was in fact a fox. I had been right underneath her nose the entire time. I never once suspected such betrayal. For I made it to level 117. I conquered any and all that stood in my way all the way to 117. I had a future too. I had prospects of making top conquer of all time. Yet I never so much as tasted level 118. For around the time when I was in the transition between levels. The time when I prepare my monkeys for their next bloodlust my kingdom met its apocolypse. This fox I had been using, you may know her better as firefox decided to send in the rapture. I had been fucked. And not simply fucked but proper fucked at that. My beautiful kingdom quite literally vanished before my eyes and all that remained jeered at me with relentless spite.

    "We're sorry, Firefox had a problem and crashed. We'll try to restore your tabs and windows when it restarts." We'll try and resotre your tabs...

    The nerve.

    I had just spend no less than 6 hours of my life to make something of myself and this is what causes me to meet my peril. I have nothing to show for my valient kingdom. Nothing at all. I can assure you I thought of throwing myself to the gallows after I watched my dreams whisp away in front of my eyes. I debate this path. Believe what you may weather or not I make this entire story up or not. This is not my place to try and persuade you. But I can assure you someday... someday I will rise again from mere ashes and reclaim my glory once again (with google chrome of course). And you will feel the wrath of a man without a soul (soul = life) who will legitamately meet your challenge and vanquish all doubt the true identity of the Master of All Bloons!!!!! Ahahahahahahaha
    Last edited by WestingFenn; March 10, 2010, 12:43 PM.

  • #2
    .............................................

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    • #3
      Does it make us worse for actually reading this thing?

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      • #4
        A couple of minutes of my life that I will never get back....
        Thanks to claripal for reping me in :)

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        • #5
          Oh gosh it's so damn long! At least cut it into paragraphs! I don't think I'm going to read it!

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          • #6
            tl;dr

            Take your pills.

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            • #7
              9 o clock in the morning as well, dearie dearie me....

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              • #8
                man the lengh of the story is messed up can you sum it up? :D

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                • #9
                  Usually I'd just LOL WUT, but I'm mad that I won't get back those 5 minutes of my life.

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                  • #10
                    hahaha... Sorry mates thought you'd like that little piece of literature :)

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by WestingFenn View Post
                      hahaha... Sorry mates thought you'd like that little piece of literature :)
                      I did. I like the juxtaposition of computer life and real life. It almost read like a Douglas Adams story; and everyone knows how much I like Douglas Adams. Seriously, it's a good read. You should try to do some other things in this same style.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by AfterMidnight View Post
                        I did. I like the juxtaposition of computer life and real life. It almost read like a Douglas Adams story; and everyone knows how much I like Douglas Adams. Seriously, it's a good read. You should try to do some other things in this same style.
                        Ya I second that, I liked the comparison of the fox running through your defenses to firefox =)
                        Retired and happy :)

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                        • #13
                          Thanks guys... AfterMidnight that really meant a lot coming from you.

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                          • #14
                            I'm not sure I get your point, you need to break it down into paragraphs.

                            I suffer with bi-polar disorder, so I get part of your thread, but if you want to make a point that others will get. You need to make it more digestable.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by guy View Post
                              I'm not sure I get your point, you need to break it down into paragraphs.

                              I suffer with bi-polar disorder, so I get part of your thread, but if you want to make a point that others will get. You need to make it more digestable.
                              Guy makes a good suggestion; your story definitely could have used a little breaking up. (Remember that I liked the story and this is only constructive criticism). Try to keep your paragraphs limited to five sentences or so. If possible, try to link the end of one paragraph to the beginning of the next. If that's not possible, just continue the thought in the next paragraph as if you'd never broken t he thought. You'll know you're getting better at it when each paragraph is its own mini short story.

                              Again, I liked it. Write more.

                              sigpic

                              New News: New News: T-I: The Story - Part III: The Gatekeepers 1
                              Old News: OiNK Founder Acquitted
                              News in the Making: T-I: The Story - Part III: The Gatekeepers 2 (2%)

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