How were you raised as a child?

[lococo]

Hi guys, since there's a variety of people here from all around the world, I'm interested on how were you punished as a child, what kind of discipline did you parents apply on you..

Feel free to leave your opinion on how effective you think it was, and would you do the same thing to your kids..

[TheWickerMan]

Why do you want to know? I guess older people like myself got hit when you did something badly wrong, with other punishments for minor offenses, like lack of cash, not going out, etc. Some turn out OK, some don't...

[artorias]

i 'got hit'. but very rarely. only when we did something inconceivable, like get up and play during services (church). i wouldn't call it physical abuse though...sounds so much worse than fear-driven discipline.

[pokerjunky]

We got spanked, worked great on me and not so much on my sister. I think each kid probably will react differently to different types of punishments.

[nertplor]

"dropping you in a daycare 9 hours a day and letting someone else taking care of you" ???

I doubt a parent would sign their child up to day care for extended sessions as punishment.
Also, if a parent works long hard 'nine ta fives' they may have no other choice for their child and I would hardly consider it abandonment !
The child may actually enjoy daycare too, (I know I did).

[thinkaboutit]

Your poll is a bit ridiculous. It basically says that hitting of any form = physical abuse. Don't get me wrong, of course I'm against domestic violence of any kind but what you're implying is just plain bullshit.
I'm not even a grown-ass man myself and my father has (very rarely) given me a hit when I was a small kid but I sure as hell don't feel abused because of that.

[Flynn89]

ya know, my mom would just beat the heck out of me when I was growing up. She literally would lift me by one arm and smack me until I was spinning in the socket.

However, when she met my adoptive father, that stopped. He just kind of demanded respect when he walked into a room, and he rarely needed to speak, and when he did you listened. Ironically enough, from the time he came into the picture (when I was 12) to graduating high school, he only spanked me once. When I did something wrong though, he would give me this look, shake he head, and look at me with these hurt eyes and tell me he was disappointed. Worse than any spanking I ever had.

When it comes to my kids, I will not have a problem with spanking them, but I'm hopefully going to raise them right and it will be a non-issue. I want my kids to have respect for others and when it comes time to apply some tough love, they will be so ashamed of disappointing me that they will want to become more because they are being led into excellence rather than running from punishment.

[nertplor]

I want my kids to have respect for others and when it comes time to apply some tough love, they will be so ashamed of disappointing me that they will want to become more because they are being led into excellence rather than running from punishment.

You want your kids to be ashamed of disappointing you when they are older ?
how nice...

[Montol]

I want my kids to have respect for others and when it comes time to apply some tough love, they will be so ashamed of disappointing me that they will want to become more because they are being led into excellence rather than running from punishment.

Thanks for sharing [MENTION=263267]Flynn89[/MENTION], I know what you mean here... Its difficult to properly phrase this kind of sentiment...

You want your kids to be ashamed of disappointing you when they are older ?
how nice...

[MENTION=238977]nertplor[/MENTION], I think, and I may be wrong, that he means more of a shame due to the parent's decline of respect and trust for the child, as opposed to necessarily a full out shaming feeling. For example...

My Dad was brought up in an abusive household (his Dad was a drunk), and as the oldest child I got a bit more physical upbringing because that was what he knew. I was never abused by any stretch of the imagination, but I got spanked - occasionally with gusto - for bugging my sisters and for bad behaviour. In retrospect, punishment was deserved, and this was before spanking was taboo.

As we grew up, he grew up as a parent too. The communication got better, the spankings stopped (even though I probably earned a good whooping every so often), and my respect for him as a parent grew.

Into my teenage years, when I earned his trust for new things - later curfews, driving the car, girlfriends sleeping over overnight - I dreaded losing my privileges. He taught me well that my newfound freedoms were a product of the trust he and my Mom had in me.

When I f*cked up - and like any teen, I f*cked up - I always felt a deep shame at doing something that broke their trust, and resulted in me losing my privileges and having to earn back their respect again.

I was lucky to have parents that stuck it out together, and luckier that they raised me as they did. As a new parent, my goal in life (apart from keeping her off the pole ) is to raise them in a way that I earn their respect, and they earn mine, and neither of us want to do anything that would bring shame to our relationship.

If I can manage that, I will consider myself a successful parent.

Now I think I'm going to call my parents and tell them I love them, because you only get so many chances in a lifetime to say that.

[Flynn89]

Basically I want them to respect me to the point that when they disappoint me, it hurts more than they hurt me than they got caught doing something. There is a big difference between managing your kids and leading them. When you manage them they are doing well to avoid punishment, but if you lead them then they do well because they want to be excellent.

There is a huge difference between the motivation to do something to be more than to do something because you are avoiding something else.

I excel as much as possible, living every day to be more than I was yesterday, because my father taught me that value through leadership. My mother, however, just applied discipline because of her anger with me, while he applied discipline in order to make me realise my downfall to become a better person.

[Economy]

Your poll is a bit ridiculous. It basically says that hitting of any form = physical abuse. Don't get me wrong, of course I'm against domestic violence of any kind but what you're implying is just plain bullshit.
I'm not even a grown-ass man myself and my father has (very rarely) given me a hit when I was a small kid but I sure as hell don't feel abused because of that.

Well said.

+1

[lococo]

"dropping you in a daycare 9 hours a day and letting someone else taking care of you" ???

I doubt a parent would sign their child up to day care for extended sessions as punishment.
Also, if a parent works long hard 'nine ta fives' they may have no other choice for their child and I would hardly consider it abandonment !
The child may actually enjoy daycare too, (I know I did).

Scientifically speaking, (considering we used to live in tribes not so long ago) dropping a child at a day care has the same negative effects in the child's brain development as any other abandonment (in the level of stress the child experiences) even if the parents come back daily, the net time spent with the child per day is reduced.

Another reason why I consider it child abuse, is because most parents don't do extensive research regarding the day care in question, they just drop the child at the closest available location.

[lococo]

Basically I want them to respect me to the point that when they disappoint me, it hurts more than they hurt me than they got caught doing something. There is a big difference between managing your kids and leading them. When you manage them they are doing well to avoid punishment, but if you lead them then they do well because they want to be excellent.

There is a huge difference between the motivation to do something to be more than to do something because you are avoiding something else.

I excel as much as possible, living every day to be more than I was yesterday, because my father taught me that value through leadership. My mother, however, just applied discipline because of her anger with me, while he applied discipline in order to make me realise my downfall to become a better person.

How you turned out alright? Are you a confident, successful adult that is able to communicate fluently with others?

[Flynn89]

How you turned out alright? Are you a confident, successful adult that is able to communicate fluently with others?

Absolutely, I'd hope that comes out in my ability to articulate thoughts in my post. But then again, that is the danger behind the anonymity of the internet, it's easy to assume people understand what you are saying only to destroy context and implications.

I ended up with a decade in the military, I've seen 3 dozen countries and sailed (depending on which version of the 7 seas you prescribe to) 5 of the 7 seas, and across 2 oceans. I've had the chance to study several martial arts from practitioners who beliefs marry the art itself, and studied disciplines from some of the most unlikely sources. All the while the cultural and situation awareness I gained from my father and his family have guided me in recognizing those sources.

Ironically enough, my mothers horrible mistreatment and abuse has also given me a certain degree of compassion, appreciation, and discernment for what matters in life. Not to mention how to approach those "I'd have to be there" moments with the confidence of planning ahead without being there lol. Basically, I am a sum of my parts, and the sum of who I am has been measured by those who love me, and it's a pretty hefty sum.

I've learned how to fight, and more importantly when not to. I've learned the difference between leadership and management. I've even learned how to be able to gauge myself even when I'm loosing my facilities, all in the effort to become more tomorrow than I am today.

I guess what really makes me know that I'm alright, would be the simple matter of knowing that the past is a learning experience while today is an experience to be cherished, and tomorrow is a chance to be more than I ever have been before.

[mackerel]

All of them at once.
Superposition Punishment.