Joke of the day
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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1

    Default Joke of the day

    Hey Friends!
    Rate The Joke above You And Post Your Own.

    Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents (PG)

    Prom Night was coming up, and a girl announced to her boyfriend that she wanted to make it special and take a hotel room for the night.

    Being the responsible type, the boy went to the Pharmacy to purchase protection. The pharmacist was very helpful and guided the boy for about an hour and told him everything there was to know.

    The boy came early to pick his girlfriend, and her Mother invited him to join them for dinner. When they sat down, the boy, looking to impress her parents, offered to say grace then bowed his head. A minute passed, and the boy was still deep in prayer...5 minutes passed, and still no movement from the boy.



    Finally, after 10 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leaned over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious."

    The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."





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  3. #2

    Default

    'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional. In over
    twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

    'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
    the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen.

    Length and width, it couldn't have been any bigger than a AAA battery.

    Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the
    floor laughing Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and
    regain her composure.

    'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what
    seems to be the problem?'

    'It's swollen,' Fred replied.

    She ran out of the room......

  4. #3

    Default

    So an Irish guy walks out of a pub...(Pause) Hey, it can happen!

  5. #4

    Default

    7/10 oldysama :))

    A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

  6. #5

    Default

    HAHAHAHA Keep Posting

    DUSTY UNDERWEAR


    One morning Matt took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the ? ?
    ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them
    out.


    "Donna," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in
    my underwear?"



    She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's
    'Miracle Grow'."





  7. #6

    Default

    A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

    Officer: May i see your licence?

    Lady: what does it look like?

    Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

    The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

    The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

  8. #7

    Default

    Life Before Computers

    An Application was for employment,
    A program was a TV show.
    A cursor used profanity,
    A keyboard was a piano!

    Compress was something you did to garbage,
    Not something you did to a file.
    And if you unzipped anything in public,
    Youd be in jail for a while!

    Log on was adding wood to a fire,
    Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
    A mouse pad was where a moise lived,
    And a backup happened to your commode!

    Cut - you did with a pocket knife,
    Paste - you did with glue.
    A web was a spiders home,
    And a virus was the flu!

    Hope that you all enjoy.





  9. #8

    Default

    Whats the smartest fruit?
    Oranges, boy can they concentrate!

  10. #9

    Default

    Crossing The River :
    Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "Lord, please give me the strength to cross the river."

    Poof! Lord gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

    After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "Lord, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."

    Poof! Lord gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

    Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "Lord, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this river."

    Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.





  11. #10

    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Dark side of the sun
    Posts
    127

    Default

    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

    "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

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