Alright so I watched a us cellular ad a little bit ago. And one of my biggest pet peeves is bad advertisements. So because I'm a complete loser with no life I decided to send an email to u.s cellular to try and shed some light on the situatiion

Warning * the following is long and is basically a big rant... If you don't feel like reading it then don't but don't troll me saying I wasted your life or hit the groan button please because I warned you

Here it is :D

Hi I would like this email to be sent to U.S. Cellulars advertising team/group/whatever your called. I am a 19 year old male so I would say I fit the demographic of a large audience your ads target.
What I would like to say to you all is that i firmly believe that each and every one of you should quit your jobs. Ponder on how the hell you got to work for this large of a company (or at least how much penis you had to place in your mouth). And now I want you to really take a look at the ads and arguments you have created. And by really take a look I mean finally admit (after firmly denying it im sure) that your work for U.S. cellular (a disgrace of a cell carrier i must add)has been an utter failure. I firmly believe that your ads appeal most to woman the ages of 60-75 years old that watch theyre tv from a crt screen with an antenna. And don’t know wtf a cellular anything is. Also your accomplishments include t.v. ads and slogan resembling that of a fucking animal shelter trying to save the world one sick and abandoned puppy at a time. Yes i am completely serious. You know the ads with the sad music and dogs that look like they might just burst into fucking tears. All while trying to convince you that if there is any charity to donate to it should be theirs. Not the relief funds for countries that just got half they’re population wiped out by some wrath of mother nature. Not some cancer research fund. No your money is best if given to a few fucking puppie with cute eyes. Don’t get me wrong I love dogs I think theyre great. I just cant stand the commercials that try and hit that emotional appeal so hard you end up doing something completely ridiculous with your money. Your ads with that commentator who sounds like hes giving a sermon on how we should all believe in Christ as he can make the blind see again! Makes me want to send my skull crashing through my tv. I don’t want to be inspired to save the world by a cell commercial. All cell providers are fucking crimals trying to scrape every dollar from you they can. No commercial with some cheesy empathetic voice is going to fool me into thinking otherwise. No I want to see what you can offer me if im going to be spending a shit ton of cash on you. US cellular falls VERY short on that field.



Second ad I’d like to troll on your internet adcertising. South park studios.com has the roll over to get random ad. OMFG! First when you roll over nothing happens you actually need to click the banner. Second that whole random based humor just isn’t as humorous as it once was. And is so entirely unoriginal!!! Then when I clicked the link there was this random generator. WOW! I was thinking to myself this is going to be great I just know it. So I clicked it and it pops out a word. And I did it and I’ve decided that you lazy sons of bitched only put the time to put in like 20 or so words in the damn widget. Not to mention that if you were going for funny random words to talk about only about 4 of them actually stirred some type of emotion other than “holy fuck word isn’t random at all its something that somebody tried way to hard to think of a word that sounded random) I especially want to hit on the one that says “ninja” REALLY? Fucking ninja. I was incredibly surprised I didn’t see pirate on there as well. WTF do you even try? Also I really hope that your not insinuating that southpark is just cheap random humor…

Anyway that’s about all I got the patience to write for now. Whoever this email gets to can you please get back to me if you forwarded this to the advertising team. If you didn’t can you give me some way to contact them. That would be great I really don’t feel like feeling like I wasted all this time writing this.
Thank You!!! :)