Thread: Do you give the reigns to your girl/wife?

Is your girl in charge of your relationship? Im not talking
about making more money or even paying the bills.
Is your girl holding the reigns? having more say-so than you?
I was in a relationship like this and I was heading for depression.
At the time I didn't realize this was happening and my friend hipped
me to it.
My last question is is it possible for a relationship to survive if it's not 50/50??

Yes, I think a relationship can survive even if it isn't 50/50.
I don't think that a relationship can be fully balanced though. If you want a fully balanced reign than every partner has to have equal voting power - one time you decide the other time she/he. Then you also have to have a rank of which decisions are more important than others so that not only everybody has the equal amount of votes, but also the same power. (Maybe I'm thinking too logical - relationships can never be logical in my experience).

I would never a let a girl allow to take control over me, it would hurt my ego too much. This can cause some problems if your partner is as 'stuborn' as you are. Every relationship needs to found some middleground with which everyone can live with, a relationship is supposed to make you happy, if that's not the case: get out of there! I would also feel very strange if i'll have fully control over the relationship, doesn't that take all the fun out of this? Me, for example, get easily bored with girls who don't have a strong personality, it's just boring if she always agrees or has no own opinion at all.

The best relationship I have ever seen is the marriage between my grandparents: they never agree and nobody has ever seen them fighting (They are married for 60 years now.).
I think the key to this is that both of them has some categories where they have more/all the power, but overall both have the exact same power.

I have found the perfect solution for me: don't have a longterm relationship, maybe I'm just too young to see the benefits.

Trying to get me into trouble, are you?

A: No, no, no & yes. It's not the politically correct thing to say. And I'm sure that some dissenting opinions are going to make an appearance. But most women want a confident man that will take the lead most of the time. How many women are going to respect a guy that is indecisive, unambitious and doesn't know what he wants to do. 50/50 is over-rated. Most of my friends that have tried that have failed.

Now none of that means that women aren't just as capable, have any less right to happiness or should be treated poorly. But lets face it, both sexes have their own strengths in a romantic relationship. That difference is worth celebrating. Different does not have to mean un-equitable. I don't want a masculine women and she doesn't want an effeminate man. I love that she is smart, capable. I know that she could lead the relationship. But that is my job. I don't mean being a tyrant. I do mean being strong willed and nominally in charge. The healthiest relationships are more like 60/40, than 50/50. Vive la difference

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Originally Posted by copper

Now none of that means that women aren't just as capable, have any less right to happiness or should be treated poorly. But lets face it, both sexes have their own strengths in a romantic relationship. That difference is worth celebrating. Different does not have to mean un-equitable. I don't want a masculine women and she doesn't want an effeminate man. I love that she is smart, capable. I know that she could lead the relationship. But that is my job. I don't mean being a tyrant. I do mean being strong willed and nominally in charge. The healthiest relationships are more like 60/40, than 50/50. Vive la difference
.

I'm pretty sure I'm dating a totally different kind of woman than you do. I don't think that every gender has it's special role in a relationship, don't we live in a modern society? In my opinion that's like going back to the 'man brings home the money while wife stays at home cooking and parenting'-thinking. I defintely agree that girls want men with a strong personality and not desperates ones. The schemes of men and women are dying: Men become more feminine(well grommed ...), girls have also their own careers. I'm not saying that girls should be masculine (Hell no.), but they also should have a strong personality. Don't you think it is boring if you have all the power over the realtionship? That would be boring too.
I think girls despite desperate men, the ones that beg for their attention, still I always had the feeling that especially my last ex-gf tried to take over the reign and tried manipulate me all the the time.
Just my 2 cents.

This is all about gender roles, and though you may think we live in a 'modern society', thousands of years of behaviour, don't get changed in a generation. Men and women are different, what a nightmare life would be if they weren't, and being equal does not mean being the same.

Traditionally the woman managed the family, including the house, the children, the family finances, and the social engagements. So on a day to day basis it is still the woman that tends to make most of the decisions, in these areas, and most men are happy with this situation, as to be honest generally speaking women are better at these things than men, and men are happy not to have to think to much about these matters, and within reason do as they are told.

When it comes to the big decisions, such as where to live, big spending decisions, or a major crisis of some sort, men who not always, but still tend to be, the main bread winner, will have bigger say in the decisions that are made. This falls in line with women being far better than men at mult-tasking and juggling a myriad of tasks, where as men tend to be better at focusing on a single big issue.

Equal partnership does not mean sharing every decision, it is about a division of responsibility that makes sense to the couple, and that they are happy with. Clearly the original poster and his ex did not manage a division that they were both able to be happy with. It will of course be different with each couple, but the gender roles are still a major factor in that. Gender roles are changing, but that change doesn't happen over night

Originally Posted by Arakasi

This falls in line with women being far better than men at mult-tasking and juggling a myriad of tasks, where as men tend to be better at focusing on a single big issue.

Multitasking doesn't exist, the brain is just switching between the different task, but it's a lot slower.
It's a myth that females are better at handling multiple tasks at the same time, men can do that too, if they want to.

I do agree with the rest of the statment though, it's basically what I meant, maybe I wasn't making it clear enough.